Dear Future Love of My Life:
I
know. I should have written before. Forgive me. But I got the feeling
that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted
to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in
a field of four leaf clovers, I’m close. I’m around the corner, down
the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a
complete stranger. I made eyes at you once on the subway. I saw you
across the room at a party. I swiped you right on Tinder. But it’s not
our time yet. And I know you’re wondering why.
It’s
really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates,
endure bad sex, settle for meh relationships, feel misunderstood, cry
from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at
night. I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation. So here it
goes. It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself much less
to you, so please know that everything I’ve written here is true.
The reasons we haven’t met yet, in no particular order:
1. I haven’t thrown out the list of things I think you should be.
2. I’m with the wrong person right now.
3. I’m not ready to be loved unconditionally.
4. Since my life isn’t together, I think you’ll reject me.
5. I still believe that drama is a show of love.
6. I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.
7. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like.
8. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.
9. I’m too focused on my own needs.
10. I don’t know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.
Clearly,
I’m not my best self yet. Or even myself—I’m still figuring out who
that is. I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all
that much right now. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once,
and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your
number and never called because of any one of the above reasons.
Be
patient with me, darling heart. Know that I’m working my way toward
you. So don’t spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not.
Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come
together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy.
I
know it’s taking longer than you’d like. It’s a hell of a lot slower
than I could have ever imagined. But I’m here. This is me talking to
you. And I’m not going anywhere.
Don’t give up on me.
Yours,
In perpetuity,
The Love You Haven’t Met Yet
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